The Frustration of the unknown-Blog

When we read a book or watch a film, 9 out of 10 of us are satisfied with the ending and sometimes we are left in suspense leaving some of us thrilled and looking forward to what will happen next. whilst some of us will be unhappy or frustrated. I strongly believe that everything must come to an end otherwise what’s the point in getting involved in the first place, with this belief I have come across some frustrations and it may be too early to say but here goes:

’ why doesn’t it feel good when you've done something that is said to be good?

1st of April 2020 the time period when the whole world was on lock down due to the pandemic that overtook the world by surprise known as the corona virus. I was out on a stroll the park and came across a group of teenagers between the age group of 13-16 year olds beating up another male. At first it started as a childish fight nothing too serious just shoving and leg tackling with a young female on her phone smiling recording the whole thing.  Walking past in complete disgust for a few seconds, I turn back to see that one of the lads were on the floor. he was been marched up and kicked. Now its one thing to stare and watch when its acting or in a movie and its another for it to have it manifest right in front of your eyes.

Washed over by shock and anger a voice from within me bellowed “OOOOOOOOIIII!!! OOOIIII!!!” turning around and about to run I fell and my brand new phone smashed. It felt as though a force was holding me down with my head up i watched as they continued to march and kick the kid. I broke the force with all the strength i had within felt as though i broke through something as i got up and ran towards them yelling ‘HE’S HUMAN STOP’ creating a fist I automatically went for a pitch but stopped myself they had backed away saying ‘PUSSYYIO’ I looked back down at the kid and my phone…

your phones not worth it. Check the kid.

”you good?’ I asked. ‘take it easy breath slowdown” I said to him bending over to take a closer at home

He was worried if his face was smashed up I reassured him only his nose but it is’nt bad. He got up slowly and we began to walk slowly he was shaken how did I know? well he asked me to come with him

Ambush ambush be careful  fuck victoria were you meant to get involved? Look at what happened? you weren’t meant to be there this is the results to the actions you took.

I was angry because of how I had reacted, the fact that I didn’t say much to those that were beaten up the kid. I had injured myself (but I didnt care about that) most importantly I had broken my fucking phone and the fact that I said that when the kid was making his way home was stupid of me. I was also frustrated at the fact that I had gotten my brand new phone barely a week old smashed. The question “ was it worth it” lingered in the air for a while. I marched angrily home and let it all out to my older sister, I wasn’t satisfied with the response that was given. Nothing that was been said was seeking in. how is what I did good? The fact that I had gotten injured  in the process of intervening in a business that wasn’t mine had come at a cost. So  the following day a question popped into my head “’ why doesn’t it feel good when you’ve done something that is said to be good?”  I had no answer and made a quick request to God apologising for not been grateful. I didn’t want to stop a blessing from coming my way so I had to make peace with what I had done even if it didn’t feel like I had done something good.

A simple phone call to my mum gave me the answer to my question :

 MUM: you started something good but you will never see the end because its not part of my journey. What you are feeling is frustration

ME: but why am I frustrated if what I did is supposedly good?

MUM: because you don’t see how it ends!

This was the missing piece the answer and everything made sense.

She went on to say that I don’t know how the young lad is feeling I never saw things through and I will never know how it ends because its not part of my journey.

Instantly everything I knew started coming back to me. Of cause  that makes sense!!! its not everything or everyone that you come across is your life that is meant to stay. Some they stay for a season and some come and go. I was a passer by in this young lads life. I may have saved his life by getting involved. There are certain things that were never meant to be, the end is always definitive but the moment that we don’t get to see how something ends, we get frustrated and it is here that we would love to have control over the ending.

Having control is limited and there are times that it is better to let things be or let them ride out. With this I am now certain of one thing :

Everything that comes in my life may have an ending and some I may never see the ending to.This is because it isn’t meant for me, the things that isn’t meant for you will leave and the things meant for you will stay.

Be very aware of how long it stays and always be aware that when it does leave ,whenever that time does come, allow it to go internally, let it go. Holding on to something that isn’t meant to be held on to will ultimately result in you missing something much better. It is difficult to come to terms with this especially if you have dedicated your life to it and have sacrificed a part of you for that thing. despite that you MUST LET GO something much better will come but not in the way you may think.

When will we
 ever be content
with our situation?
When will we stop
finding excuses
And just get on
With the work at hand?
I don’t think
We ever will.
It has become
Something automatic.
When we demand
For change.
It happens
It may have
Taken years for
That change to occur
But it still happened.
In the mist of change
We still are not satisfied.
You wanted more time.
Something gave way
Now you have all
The time.
But yet you still
Are not satisfied
The problem isn’t
Your surroundings.
The problem lies
Stop looking around
Look straight in
The mirror
Acknowledge your flaws
Admit them internally
And start fixing them.
No one can fix you
No one can do
The heavy lifting
Of your clotted mind.
Only you have the
Keys to your mind.
So start.

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